What's the last thing I told you about June?
The time she took you into the future, I think? With those teenagers.
Right. That was the first time any of the Magna people met her. They'd heard about her. They probably thought she was a figment of my deranged imagination up to that point. But there she was, in the flesh.
And you all lived happily ever after.
I wish. You know that didn't happen.
I know. Your story would be over if you had a happy ending with her.
What are you talking about?
You really want to hear it?
Try me.
You've told me that everything you've done to change the past, all the cross-time intergalactic havoc you've wreaked, is to prevent World War III.
Yes.
And the only reason you want to prevent that is to save June.
No.
Yes.
It's not just her, dammit. My own body was ravaged. Billions of people died. So what if there's a little extra benefit in it for me?
But it's not about the extra benefit. I don't think you would have cared so much about this if not for her.
You're speculating.
June's the carrot dangled eternally in front of you. She's not a person, but a purpose. An object. She's the inertia that puts your life in motion. If you somehow ended up living with her on a farm somewhere, all the vitality would be sucked out of you, and I think you know that.
I can't say since, you know, that never fucking happened.
But it's worse than that. This is your story, after all. She's just a recurring plot point. She's a prize to win. I'm just saying, that's a typical way to treat a woman.
I don't like your tone.
Maybe not, but you got me started on this. If all this is made up, then you're about as tropey a storyteller as they come. If it's all real, then you're just being a man, unfortunately. I'm a little disappointed that a guy from decades in the future still has such retrograde attitudes toward women.
But I love her, dumbass.
What about her feelings? She dated Mark, right? She might have liked him a little more. Obviously, she didn't dislike you. But you're projecting on her this idea that she would've wanted the same things as you, if she'd lived. She gets to occupy your mind as this ideal of virginal womanhood for you to quest after.
Well, so what? You're right, I don't know what she would have thought about everything if she hadn't died.
And those times you abducted her from just before her death. Remind me how those went?
You know how those went.
Exactly. She couldn't cope with the reality of the situation. Leaving everyone and everything else behind. Seeing you, but as a middle-aged man, not the teenage boy she knew. Living on an alien spaceship, hopping through time. Talk about a fucked up Doctor Who companion arc.
You're really trivializing everything.
I'm only pointing out your own trivialization of her life, dude. Why didn't you pluck her from that instant before death and just drop her with her family post-war? Make up a cover story, like she was comatose for a while. Nobody would ever have to know you were involved. Did you ever try that?
No.
Why not?
Because I had to make sure she was safe. I had to keep her close.
But she killed herself every time she was with you!
Not every time. Some of those deaths were accidental.
Only because she didn't care about living, because of what you put her through. And you know it's a lie that you did it to keep her safe. You did it to gratify yourself.
I never forced myself on her, or even did anything...
That's not the point. Yes, I'm glad you didn't take advantage of a vulnerable 16-year-old. What a paragon of virtue. But even your motivation for that is selfish. If you "spoil" her, she's no longer the perfect trophy you need her to be. Deep down, you must have known that. You could "save her," enjoy the sensation of being her savior, but keep her at arm's length so as not to ruin the illusion. So when she killed herself, it was probably a relief to you. You didn't have to keep up that dance anymore. You could just go back to time-hopping and pretending you were doing it all for a higher purpose.
Shut the fuck up.
Or what, you'll fire me? You've paid me enough by now that I could get by for a while. But I've had to sit here and listen to you talk about her several times, and as a woman, I think your whole demeanor about her is gross.
Then I'm just telling it wrong, because she's a good person I love very much, and all I wanted was for her to live. Even if it was without me. You know how happy I was to meet her, finally? The adult version of her. It was like my entire life crystallized in an instant. I hadn't succeeded, exactly. But our paths crossed and I knew I'd been doing the right things.
That's a pretty tortured justification. You admitted nothing you did actually contributed toward saving her life.
Technically, this one timeline--
And that was an accident. So I don't think it counts.
Almost everything about time travel is accidents, kiddo.
I love how you want me to think you respect women while calling me "kiddo."
It's just a vocal tic, don't worry so much about it.
I'm not "worried," I just think you're unable to see yourself from the outside. Like, where's your self-awareness? I'd almost respect you more if you said straight out that you feel entitled to her. I wouldn't like it, but I feel like that would at least be honest.
Maybe I do feel a little entitled. You know how much I've been through, trying to save her, and... and everyone?
But it's all to fight events that were apparently inevitable. Thanks for that, by the way: I love having to wonder if a third of humanity will be annihilated in 40 years like you say, or if you're just a crank.
Which would make you feel better?
That you're making it up, obviously!
Can't help you, then.
Great. So, you don't there's anything to what I'm saying?
I'm saying, if there is, it's too late for it to matter.
It's never too late to work on yourself.
Exactly what would be the point, at my age, in these circumstnaces?
I don't know? Feeling like a person who's not a piece of shit?
I only feel like a piece of shit when you call me a sexist!
I technically didn't call you anything of the sort.
You implied it.
Fine, I did. But if you knew you weren't a sexist, it wouldn't hurt you to hear it. You'd know I'm wrong. It bothers you because you're worried I'm right.
Doesn't that make me not sexist? You know, like how if a person questions whether they're crazy, by definition they're sane?
If you want to start conflating systemic oppression with mental illness, man...
Yeah, I guess we don't have all week.
But did you ever stop to consider whether any of this was right for June? At a certain point, it obviously wasn't right for her at all. But you kept doing it.
I kept trying to avert the war altogether, remember.
And those efforts are inseparable from your image of June and your feelings about her.
If you say so.
It amuses me that you've supposedly punched aliens to death on hell-planets but you're getting all shitty because I suggested you have some issues with how you view women.
Well, this is more like you invited me to a showdown and you've got a bazooka and I've got a slingshot. I'm outmatched on this crap. All I can tell you is that my motives for saving June were always about saving her, regardless of whether that meant we had a future. I wanted her to just have a future, period.
And that's cool and noble and everything, but it's still treating her like someone who needs saving--as if women don't get enough of that.
Uh, in this case she was dead. I feel like there's no good way for her to undo that.
Just speaking thematically, is all.
Yeah, but she's a real person, is all.
I don't know what you want me to say. I'm pointing out some obvious issues in how you see her, how your actions have had flawed motivations, how you may struggle to conceive of women as fully human in the same way you are.
You're making a lot of leaps here.
Who was that woman you dated in Peru?
Martie.
Yeah, the doctor. Why did you ghost her?
I what?
You ghosted her. You just took off without saying anything. And this is after you developed feelings for her. Why'd you run off?
Things got complicated on the job. You know all that.
Yeah, but you didn't even say goodbye?
It was a one-night stand.
Not to you, it wasn't. Did you really never see her again?
OK, technically, I dropped in on her just before I left Peru.
And?
I... asked her to come back to the US with me.
Are you out of your fucking mind?
I was just being a stupid man, all right? Yeah, I thought she'd be so into me she'd drop her whole career and come with me. I'm an idiot. You happy now?
I'm glad to hear you admit some mistakes, at least.
I've admitted all kinds of mistakes to you!
Not about this sort of thing, though. Did you ever think you mistreated her?
Not really. I think I acted like a fool, but I didn't mistreat her.
Mistreatment isn't abuse, just treating someone a way you shouldn't. It sounds like you got what you both wanted when you had your one-night stand. The thing to do after that would've been to talk to her honestly about how you felt, and see if she felt the same way. If she didn't, you could have parted on good terms, but at least you'd have had an honest talk about everything. Instead, you thought you'd get her to run off with you, like her career was irrelevant. Like so many men expect women to do in general. Don't you think it's presumptuous and insulting? I bet she was mad, wasn't she?
Yeah, she was pissed.
Did you ever speak again?
Letters. She wrote me some letters.
Did you ever write back?
...
You're really hopeless, dude. What did her letters say?
Just talking about her life, where she was off to next. She hoped I was getting along well at Magna Black. She worried my job was dangerous.
And you seriously ignored those.
I didn't know what to say. "Sorry, I'm busy helping run an international conglomerate that's actually pretty much a crime syndicate slash weird cult"? Seemed better to just go radio silent.
Easier, for you. Not "better."
Sure.
I just want to point out here that at a time when you had a flesh-and-blood adult woman bidding for your attention, you ducked her without so much as a "fuck off." Why? Were you scared, or just inconsiderate?
Scared, I guess.
Of a woman with agency and opinions?
Come on. I was surrounded by those at Magna.
But you didn't feel affectionate toward any of them, did you?
No, not really. Other than that one--
Do not bring that up again.
Yeah, sorry. I get it. I like women as images, as objects, as ideals, blah blah. You nailed it.
I don't need you to be flippant about it.
I'm at a loss for what I'm supposed to do with this self-knowledge. Go date someone else? At my age? With my baggage? Get real.
Maybe it would help you not beat yourself up so much? I bet you beat yourself up about Martie, don't you?
Sometimes.
You ever consider looking her up? Sending her an email or something?
I doubt she'd want any part of that.
But you aren't giving her the choice, are you?
Come on. Don't make me do this shit.
Nah, I challenge you. Email that woman. Tell her you've been a fucking tool for... how many years has it been?
35 or so.
Jesus Christ. Sometimes I forget how long you've been on this shit.
Me too!